Grief

Nothing ever truly prepares you for the loss of a parent or a grandparent, for that matter. It is tough to think about and really talk about grief in a way that is going to help heal one’s soul. Because grief is never entirely absent. It comes in waves like the sea, sometimes crashing and thrashing against you, at other times gently pooling around your heart. It reminds you of moments that you shared with the person that has left you. It reminds you of the good times, it reminds you of the laughter, the joy they brought to your life, the lessons they taught you, the things you did together, your favorite memory of them and you. 

Then there are the photographic memories that keep appearing in front of your eyes, the camera being your mind. And they just go click, click, click, snap, snap, snap. And they hit you at the most inopportune moments during the day. When you’re trying to cook, when you’re trying to clean, when you’re trying to read, when you’re trying to brush your teeth even. And these are moments that really take your breath away, quite literally, because they make you want to stop, pause and reflect. And in doing that you tend to be sucked into their memory and hopefully it is with joy and not regret that you look back upon them. 

You are plagued with questions like what if, why me and how long?. You’re also thankful for the ‘but then’, ‘I did ‘ and ‘why not?’. Death is the great leveller, of course it is, but it is also reaffirming in the sense that the cycle of life must come to an end. But it never really comes to an end because the soul persists. It lives on from ashes to ashes, earth to earth. We originate from the five elements and we eventually return to them.